How to Help Your Teen with College Applications

If you are the parent or guardian of a high school junior or senior, you may be wondering how you can best help your teen with college applications without completely driving them (and yourself) insane. 

Maybe you’ve just started the process and it’s not off to a great start. Maybe you’ve even ended conversations in screaming matches or passive aggressive behaviors. 

Or maybe you are trying to get a head start and want to ensure that you are taking proactive measures to be the best support team possible. 

Either way, here are some key ways to help your child with their applications in a way that best supports them. 

Approach college conversations with curiosity instead of assumptions

There is nothing that can derail your relationship with your teenager more than making harmful assumptions about their behavior. While you likely know your child very well, it is critical to enter important conversations with them with an open mind. 

As a former high school teacher, I know all too well that the teen you spend time with at home is not always the same teen that shows up at school (for better or worse). 

It may be tempting (or even second nature) to begin a conversation by telling them what to do: “You really need to start your college applications soon.” The underlying assumption here is that they aren’t capable enough or knowledgeable enough to know this on their own. This is a sure-fire way to tick them off and maybe even have them shut down on the matter completely.

Instead, be curious: “How are your college applications going? Do you need any support?” By asking these judgment-free questions, you communicate with them that you know they are capable of this daunting task and that you care enough to ask and offer your support. 

While this still may not 100% guarantee an engaging (or even polite) response (depending on your relationship with your child and let’s face it, teenagers can be cranky), it is much more likely to result in a positive conversation than an assumptions-based approach would.  

Offer support, but don’t be overbearing

This is a hard one for a lot of parents when it comes to college applications. Make it clear to your teenager that you are there to help them in whatever capacity you can. However, there is a fine line between being supportive and being downright pushy. 

While you may have an ideal plan for your child’s future, your child’s decision to go to college (and where they decide to go) is ultimately THEIR decision. 

It would be such a shame for a child to go to a college they felt pressured into by a parent only to transfer after the first semester. While this could happen with a college of their choice, at least the decision was theirs and they learned the lesson on their own terms. 

Yes, there may be some logistical factors for your family that may influence that choice, but they are an adult now (or will be soon), and they need to start making these big decisions for themselves. It’s their life, after all. 

If you have gone through college yourself, then you likely remember how stressful the process was. However, it’s important to keep in mind that times have changed. 

We live in a different world now than we did twenty years ago or than we did pre-COVID. The cost of post-secondary education has increased dramatically over the last decade. The job market has completely transformed.

If you want to be involved and included in your child’s college decision, then your best bet is to let them know you are there to help without aggressively inserting your opinion. If they ask for your opinion, then by all means tell them what you think!

Be a good listener

This one goes hand in hand with offering support; however, it is equally as important to really devote your full attention to your child when they are talking through this big decision with you. 

If you are feeling stressed about the college application process, just imagine how your child is feeling as they juggle all their usual responsibilities with navigating the scary waters of post-secondary opportunities. After all, they are taking a huge step for their future, and that’s a big deal. They may already feel like they are behind in the process in comparison to their classmates. 

That said, if they come to you for advice or help, be all-in with them in that moment (and if you can’t be all-in at that moment, decide on another time that would work for both of you). Validate their feelings, and be transparent about your own feelings (not your opinions, your feelings). 

Being a good listener is a skill, but one you are likely well-versed in as a seasoned parent. You will want to be sure to listen for not only what they do share with you but also what they don’t share with you. Observe their body language and their facial expressions. 

The typical teenager is often not actually looking for a solution at the moment; rather, they just want their feelings of frustration and apprehension to be acknowledged. This is where my first piece of advice comes into play again. Instead of trying to give them solutions, ask them questions to help them work through their feelings and their thought process without any judgment. 

Provide them with helpful college application resources

One action you can take to help your teen with college applications without being overly pushy is being on the ready to provide resources. If you have been listening closely to your child, maybe you already have a good idea of what resources would be useful to them. 

If the financial aspect of college is stressing you and your child out, find some resources on scholarship opportunities (which there or so many of by the way). Be a resource for them yourself when they need to fill out their FAFSA form. 

If they are indecisive about their choices, offer to take them on campus tours so that they can see the schools in person. If your schedule doesn’t allow for this, see if someone in your family or close circle would be able to step in to help.

If your child is stressing out about writing their personal statement, seek out resources or opportunities for them to get help with writing their personal essay. 

Be somewhat casual about this. That way, you don’t come off as overbearing; at the same time, it shows that you have their back. Even if they don’t need the resources at the moment, they know where to find them when the time comes. 

Be real with your teen without dismissing their goals/dreams

My last nugget of wisdom is to be real with your child. Though you’ll want to be tactful with their potential sensitivity, be honest and open to help your teen with college applications.

Have a conversation about your family’s financial situation and how much, if any, you will be contributing to their education. And if that number is zero dollars, that is totally fine, but be up front with them about that from the beginning so that they can make the most informed choice possible. 

If and when your child asks for your input on their schools of choice, be honest about your thoughts and concerns, but make it clear that you will respect their decision and that you just want them to be happy. 

Some Final Thoughts on How to Help Your Teen with College Applications

The road to readying a teenager for life after high school is not an easy one, but you are almost on the other side, so hang in there. You got this. 

If you are interested in more advice and resources for the college application process (including how to help your teen with college applications), subscribe to our newsletter by filling out the form below! We also offer a self-paced course and coaching support for writing an effective college application essay.